“She’s leaving home…bye bye” (The Beatles)
This is what happened in our family the morning before Nina, our 9 year old daughter, was headed to sleep-away camp for the first time.
I’m not sure that this is something one blogs about, but it’s a MAJOR milestone as far as I’m concerned, so I figured if nothing else, Nina will have this post for when she is sending her own child away.
The Talk
Yesterday morning, the first thing Nina said to me was “You can’t let me go!”. I reiterated what I had been saying for the past few days: “I can and I will because you wanted this, I paid for this, and most of all, because it will be a great experience for you!”. I reminded her that if she goes in with a positive attitude, things would go better than if she didn’t. Then, in a classic avoidance move, she glued herself to her iPad and pretended that her headphones were preventing her from hearing my nonsensical chatter.
The Last Meal
Nina requested avocado toast from Le Pain Quotidian for her last meal (OH THE DRAMA!) and happily ate while continuing her Minecraft game. Satiated, she removed her headphones, looked me in the eye, and announced resolutely “I am just not going to go”. I ignored this and told her to get dressed and get herself together. She gave me the stink eye, and did what I asked with resignation, but without a word…and definitely NOT a smile (I was pleased because at least she didn’t lock herself in the bathroom!).
Getting out of the house
We headed downstairs and I laughed when I saw Renato carrying Nina’s crazy big bags out to the car. Nina requested to listen to some of her favorite songs from my play list while we drove the 30 or so blocks to the bus rendezvous point. Although music usually soothes her, Nina’s body language told me that it definitely wasn’t working this time. She stared at her feet and did not sing along.
One step closer
We got to the meeting place earlier than requested, but there was already a (HUGE!) line of parents, children and bags. Nina stoically joined the line. I must say here, in writing, that Renato, you were right…we, well I, overpacked for sure: Nina’s bags were wayyyyy larger than anyone else’s. I was surely embarrassed by the size of them (and Renato was laughing at me).
This is it; Headed for sleep-away camp!
After a while, the bus counselors came by to check Nina in. By this time, we were lounging on the sidewalk (across the street from where I went to High School), listening to tunes from my phone (Hamilton, of course!). Eventually, Nina relaxed a little, and when the time finally came, she bravely climbed the steps onto the coach and waved good bye. I was super proud!
We stood with the other families and waved for about 15 minutes before the bus finally took off. I sent a silent message up to the sky wishing my baby well. I did not cry, but I also did not cheer.
headed-to-sleep-away-camp
The Aftermath
Alex, Renato and I walked back to the car and made our way uptown to our local diner. I felt hopeful and happy and proud, but also empty and sad and doubtful. A part of me was missing. My girl was gone.
We went home and I wrote her a letter, started cleaning up the detritus that piled up while we were packing, and thought about how I couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. The most difficult part so far was when I got home from dinner with a girlfriend and realized that for the first time ever, my daughter wasn’t in her bed with a book waiting up for me to say good night. I whispered to myself the bedtime refrain that I have been saying to her since the day she was born, and went to distract myself with other things. Now all I can do is hope for the best and wait with baited breath for photos to come from camp to reassure me that I have made the right decision to send her.
It’s so hard being a mom.
To read more about summer camp, check out: